The BLoG MuSe

Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.

Composure

I’m an adult. I drive a car, I have a job, I pay my bills and I even vote. I make responsible decisions and for the most part live a pretty normal life. While I consider myself a “kid at heart” and I love to joke, laugh and completely take things more light-heartedly than most I still always manage to do the right thing act mature when I need to and know where to draw the line in almost all circumstances. Admittedly, I tend to blur the line more than I should and honestly, I enjoy it. I say things to get a rise out of people. Whether that rise is to make them laugh, gasp or look at me and say my name very seriously… and if they add in my middle name… BONUS!!!  Anyway, as I was saying… I also know when I really should act appropriately and be on my best behavior. Just because I KNOW when I should be on my best behavior however, does not necessarily mean that I WILL be on my best behavior.

Which brings me to the way I am feeling right now…

I am so far beyond every bit of overwhelmed feeling there could possibly be inside one human being of stress, anxiety, anger, more stress and frustration that I want to throw myself onto the floor and have a conniption fit. I want to kick and scream and cry like a toddler and not give a damn about who sees or who cares what I look like. I feel that I should be able to do that right now if I want.

Because sometimes… sometimes life just warrants you – normally a completely rational and perfectly sane adult – to want to act like a child. Screaming and crying over F***ing Froot Loops OK? What is so freaking wrong with that? I realize that I’ve grown past all that but occasionally I need to peel off this mask, rip off my clothes and lose all control of every tiny bit of composure I’m suppose to have left. Why? Because I’m an adult. I drive a car, I have a job, I pay my bills, I vote, I donate money to good causes and I always, ALWAYS make responsible decisions. I always do the right thing and yet, my life is the same shit storm of crazy every single day. So for just once, this one day, if I want to have a crying fit on the kitchen floor over sweetened, colored, fruity rings of multi-grain cereal I will damn it.

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