The BLoG MuSe

Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.

Boats and Hoes

There are few things I am absolutely sure of. I am however absolutely sure that the guy next to me on my way home was pretty convinced that I was either trying really hard to break the windows in my Jeep or that I was being tickle-tortured and subsequently screaming at the top of my lungs. Either way, I would like to say that I was doing neither asshole. I am also fully aware – and was aware long before you paraded into my life – that I can’t carry a tune in a bucket. My goal is NOT to be Carrie Underwood when I grow up. I find it relaxing to sing-a-long in the car on a drive, OK?

    I realize that you are driving an Audi and that you have a STICK THE SIZE OF MONTANA UP YOUR ASS but loosen up a little or I might be forced to pick my nose while you look at me like I’m the most preposterous being you’ve ever seen. If Kathy Griffin were here she would tell you to SUCK IT. You know why? Because that is one funny bitch. Matter of fact, that IS someone I would like to be when I grow up. I’m pretty sure that she sings along in her car too but unlike me, she does it just for shits and giggles, not because she’s relating to the depressing ass “you broke my heart and now I have to break your face” song or the “Take this job and shove it” song because she has the best job in the world right? She gets to be what she wants to be and get paid for it. it’s AWESOME. Who wouldn’t want to be THAT when they grow up? She says whatever the fuck she wants, does what she wants and answers to very few.

 She’s my hero. Interestingly enough, her life wasn’t always like that. I read her autobiography and her road to fame was shitty. I don’t envy that part but regardless, she’s still badass.  So my whole point here is that what I don’t want to be when I grow up is a giant asshole who is so uptight that I can’t even appreciate a good belting out of “I WILL SURVIVE” after a long hard 14-hour day at work. Perhaps, when I grow up I shall become someone like Ben Franklin and invent gigantic stick removers for people like Mr.Audi so that they can remove the sticks from their asses.

Prestige Wor-Word-World-WORLDWIDE. Now. Are you going to invest or not?

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