The BLoG MuSe

Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.

Square Peg, Round Hole

It never really made much sense to me until now… That is how much you actually change as a pregnant person. I know it’s happening like I stand outside my body as an outsider and I can’t stop the stupid shit that is about to happen or come out of my mouth.

This must be what coma patients feel like. You know if they can hover above themselves but not have control of the shit that’s about to come flying out of their mouth or the things they do, but you know since they’re in a coma I’m just making shit up because last time I checked people in comas don’t say or do stupid shit because they well…can’t. (I actually envy this skill a little right now) Hence the coma? Wow. That actually just came out of my head. I’m ashamed. (It is 3 AM though… if that counts for anything)

Anyway, I really always thought pregnant women used “pregnancy brain” and excessive hormones as an excuse. But I know now it’s REAL and it happens to the best of us. How do I know? Well the following are actual things I did or said recently that I probably shouldn’t admit to:

Today, I stood at my jeep trying to get the damn thing unlocked for probably 5 full minutes (aka: eternity) Pushing the unlock button on my key fab and shoving the key into the door lock when it wouldn’t unlock with the remote. It was somewhere around the 6th minute that I realized I was on the wrong floor of the parking garage. This wasn’t MY JEEP. Oh and to make this event even more insulting to my intelligence? The goddamn thing wasn’t even the same color. Was it close? NO. My jeep is a dark charcoal gray. This one? R.E.D. Like a big fucking fire truck.

Also today, during a conversation with a friend I told her that I am going to Estes Park this weekend for my birthday… Yeah I just got back from that trip YESTERDAY… I’m not hopping in a DeLorean this week and even if I do I think it would be missing a flux-capacitor-thingy (that’s a very technical term by the way) to send me back in time!!

I also tried to put a 9volt battery into my wireless mouse and proceeded to get really, really pissed when it wouldn’t fit!! I’m not quite sure anyone understands how pissed I was! I was in tears because I was so mad!! It wasn’t until later after I hooked up my backup (non-wireless-damn-it) mouse that I realized the piece of shit needs a triple-A battery. You know the teeny tiny cylindrical battery that has a AAA stamped on it? Yep. Not even the same shape Jessica! Square peg, round hole?!? Fuck.

I could go on about the other things I’ve done, like almost feed the dog a bowl full of dry Froot Loops instead of her dry dog food but I think I’ll save some for upcoming posts…. Stay tuned, my stupidity is reaching new levels!!
I also put the ice cream in the pantry but in my defense, I’ve done things like that before I was pregnant.

Oh. P.S. – I’m pregnant!… Yep. Hold onto something very sturdy world, I am reproducing. Yikes.

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8 responses to “Square Peg, Round Hole

  1. Josie January 26, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Congratz! and now you have a reason to buy those ugg boots 😉

  2. Libby January 26, 2011 at 9:46 am

    Whats wrong with feeding the dog “Fruit Loops”?
    I feed my three on occasion Honey Nut Cherrios…and remember EARs the bunny??? He would go balsitic over Lucky Charms!!!!
    I would open the door to the pantry and where ever he was in the house… He would come ripping, sliding to get to the pantry. Nothing funnier than watching a bunny moving his little legs as fast as he could over the harwood floors all the while trying desperately not to crash into the cabinets!!!!
    Its ok Jessica..we have all done and said stupid shit while we were pregnant…all that blood flow that normally goes to your brain…is going to your uterus…its only temporary…well mayber..

    • theBLogMuSe January 26, 2011 at 10:00 am

      LOL!! all my girls love cereal and they are people food junkies but something tells me a FULL bowl of froot loops might have been a little overboard for Mali 🙂 Awww EARS… love that bunny! And I don’t blame him for his Lucky Charms love! They are DELISH.

  3. Wads January 27, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    LOL! Yeah, the cute baby Ugg boots … you must have had a premonition. Congrats baby! Can’t wait to hear more about your impending arrival. Due date please??! You know I’m baby crazy. 🙂

  4. Shannon Fish February 16, 2011 at 11:38 am

    YEAH!!!! I finally ‘get it’!!! CONGRATS!!! We’ll chat soon.

    I have to warn you though…..I will be sending “swollen ankle voodoo vibes” your way 🙂 Then you can try and sit at your desk with your feet above your heart!!!

  5. Pingback: One Slurpee away from fat camp. Or rehab. One of the two. « The BLoG MuSe

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