Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.
It’s No Secret That I People-Watch
January 27, 2011Posted by on
So one of my favorite things to do is to people watch. It gives me lots of ideas, concepts and quite frankly it makes ms feel a little better about myself. I know, what the hell? It makes you feel better about yourself? Kind of an asshole thing to say except it’s really not. We all do this you just don’t realize it or you don’t want to admit it. Either way, I know you judgmental people sit there and compare yourselves to others. I know because I’m the queen of that country.
I can’t really help it you know, I wasn’t the cool kid that everyone wanted to be friends with. *gasp* I know…. Don’t tell anyone!! Essentially I blame all those skinny, much prettier girls in school who made me this way. Secretly I hope you all got really fat and had crack babies thanks to your herpes infections. I’m not sure how you get crack babies from herpes. But it happens, I know this. Also, I hope some of you have husbands who don’t speak a lick of Engrish and you are faced with an eternity of communication failure and you turn into a shriveled gnome lady on someone’s porch.
I digress… What I really wrote this post about was to tell you that despite it’s inherent weirdness, my people watching goes a step further into the creepy zone (but again, I know you all have wondered this yourself so don’t judge me!)
When I see a couple somewhere, anywhere but especially those fascinating couples who seem like the oddest fit… Yeah I wonder what their sex looks like. Ok, ok, ok. Before you judge me, I know you’ve wondered this at least once before. Especially when you see people who are freakishly tall or they have only half a body (that dude is my hero by the way but it still creeps me out a little when I watch him walk and do other things like play a game of pool or glide himself up a swing set like a spider monkey!
Anyway, when I see odd couples I always default to wondering what their sex looks like because I feel like it’s probably at least somewhat uglier than mine. Although mine isn’t ugly… Just sayin’…. But the dude that’s like 8 feet tall and his wife or girlfriend who is only 5 feet tall… I mean it must look hilarious right? He has limbs flailing all over the place and she well, she disappears behind his massiveness so you have to switch sides of your imagination and then it looks a little creepy because if you don’t put their height into perspective it looks like he’s a pedophile and she’s a 14 year-old girl. Ewww. And then you wonder if you should call the cops because he’s a creeper and it’s bullshit that he’s taking advantage of her trust as a person in a position of authority.
Then that reminds you of all the teacher sex scandals lately and wonder why it was acceptable in out day to sleep with a teacher? After all, us girls probably did it for better grades or because we have daddy issues or something and the guys. Well… The guys slept with their hot history teachers to make themselves cooler and couldn’t wait to tell their friends. Now if these kids sleep with their teachers, it’s a front-page news story and someone has to go to jail and register as a sex offender. And then people get all up-in-arms about it. Ugh, life was so much better back in the day I tell you!
And the dude with 1/2 a body! Really I have to go there because have you seen his wife? Yeah. Also he has like 1/2 a body and says he has genitals but really, what the hell does his sex look like? Huh. Riddle me that peeps… Riddle me that! (and good luck getting that out of your head because I know if you don’t know who I’m talking about you did just google him and go to You-Tube to see him in action… Walking not having sex obviously you perverts cuz who would look for a sex tape starring the “Man with 1/2 a body”…. Oh thats right… ME. I would. Oh well.