The BLoG MuSe

Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.

Daily Archives: January 28, 2011

Analogies at their best

Migraines: about as fun as honeymoon handjobs.

How to guarantee you will be in the dog-house for Valentine’s Day

I received the following e-mail today… I couldn’t help but think to myself “how romantic!” and then I was wondering how the conversation would go.

“Hey sweetie I really love you and for Valentine’s day I wanted to show you just how much. By giving you the gift of better skin… You know because I love your ugly face but it’s kinda gross so fix that shit.”

I also couldn’t help but think to myself there’s definitely an added value from romantic gifts like the following:

“Hey honey, I love you…but you could stand to lose some of that muffin-top so I got you a gym membership! You’re welcome”

“I also got you a bonus over-sized bathroom scale with digital read out and body fat calculation so that you know just how much you should go to the gym…and maybe stop eating all together too.”

And nothing says I love you more than “I forgot Valentine’s Day and I was too cheap to go buy you anything nice so ummm here’s some flowers from your garden.”

And my personal favorite…. “honey, your TECHNIQUE could use a little work, so I got you this fantastic book. I figured that not only would I insult you by saying that you suck in bed and that your blowjob skills need work but I added insult to injury by getting ‘Sex For Dummies’ instead of… Any book really because I’m an ass”

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