The BLoG MuSe

Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.

Category Archives: My LoBsTeR

It’s like screaming fire in my living room.

Whenever I am somewhere in the house doing anything and I hear my all-time favorite commercial come on TV I literally have to drop everything I am doing to run in and watch it. It’s like crack. Except not whack. And I wouldn’t sell myself for it. Probably. Well maybe I would if the TV simultaneously popped out cups of Dippin Dots ice cream at me because THOSE are actually almost the same as crack.

Apparently I am alone in this feeling or at least Lobster and his buddies tell me I am but seriously, how can you miss your favorite commercial?! It would be like depriving me of my daily chocolate dose or my Sanity-Slurpees.

For real thouh y’all, I don’t know who Geico pays for their PR and Marketing but they are certainly getting their money’s worth because 2 of my favorite commercials belong to them and I come running to watch every.single.fucking.time they air. Every time.

And yes I am an adult, I just don’t act like one. (Lobster made a stupid ass point about how only children run in to watch stupid shit and then I might have gotten a little defensive and said something like “oh yeah well only losers like to eat Fritos and Worchestershire sauce together… no one can even pronounce that shit) So anyway, I don’t act like an adult. Very often. Except when I need to tell little kids that if they pee on the toilet seat the toilet fairy will know and find them in their sleep and steal their genitals and devour them like a sandwich. A delicious, genital-y sandwich. (genital-y? I don’t know I just made that shit up)

My all-time favorite: Wweeeeeeeeee!!!!

And also, my other favorite… basically I don’t get shit done because I’m always running to watch commercials.


UPDATED: I can’t believe I almost forgot… so I was telling my sister how much I lOVE, LOVE, LOVE the little piggy commercial and she told me she heard someone had it as a ringtone. Ringtone?!? DUH!!!! Holy.monkey.balls. I NEEEEED this right?!?! So apparently you can download that shit for free from Geico!!! Here it is in case you also love this commercial as much as I do (or any of their others because they are ALL there)

But every now and then he does something I would do and it’s hilarious

I’m always saying that my husband doesn’t always “get me” and by that I mean I’ll say something random like “I really wish I had a Storm Trooper outfit. I’d wear it to the mall and to other places where people would think it was awesome and they’d want one too! And also I would snazz it up a little with the bedazzler and pretty colored polka dots… You know because white is just so last year”

This is precisely the type of thing I would say and then he would either just shake his head and quietly wonder why he married me or he’d look at me very serious-like and say something like “did you take your meds today?” (with the obligatory head-tilt of course…to make it seem as though he’s not here to hurt me and he genuinely cares – even though we all know he’s probably terrified that at any minute I might just lose my shit and eat his face off) sorry i digress… his grown-up-ness is respectable… BUT STILL you would think he’d know me by now, nope. Still surprising him with my randomness after all these years.

However. Occasionally he does something that I would do and it makes me wonder what he was doing prior to it because quite frankly, I wish i had thought of that shit. Nevertheless he must know that I’m gleaming with pride. (And I’m making his Storm Trooper outfit as we speak!!! Do you think he wants blue rhinestones or green?)

So here it is… The random text message I get while I’m in the middle of taking a sip of hot tea and on the phone with a client:

You Can Totally Milk an Iguana

So yeah. Pretty much I think Craig has gotten used to my randomness. I ask him to please please please get me Stroganoff from Noodles & Co. for lunch because I pretty much feel that I need it  or I might die. Which is of course how I convince him to leave work, go out in the snow, and get me some heavenly goodness of comfort food. (mind you we DO have a cafeteria here at work but the food is marginal at best and they sure don’t serve Noodles & Co. Stroganoff or else I would eat there like every day. Can you die from too much Stroganoff? Nah…)

Anyway, I send him out in the cold. Oh and by the way… can you please pick up something for my sister?? You know, since you’re out anyway?? Of course he tells me yes because he’s my knight-in-shining-armor. So I tell him “THANKS BABE!! You’re my lunchtime hero and I will re-pay you in Iguana eggs”…. His response is “you’re welcome.”  NOTHING (!!!) about the Iguana eggs. Apparently he knows that I’m either full of it or that I actually went out and bought an Iguana at some point and I plan some kind of “squeezing-out-of-the-eggs” RITUAL like a crazy person… ? My money is on the latter of the two. He must know I am already squeezing the life out of that sucker as we speak. Funny though, I didn’t know you could get Iguana milk too, just by squeezing it? (Oh how my husband must love me.)

See full size image << Iguana. AKA: la victima. (see, that dude is squeezing it for eggs! cool huh? too bad he’s missing the ritualistic headdress and feather boa that makes his ritual genuine.)

See full size image << Look at what Craig will get out of the eggs I pay him in? MORE IGUANAS. YAY!!!! Sorry I couldn’t find any pictures of Iguana milk… Apparently because it is an extremely rare delicacy and I will make millions for the little bit that I did manage to get out. Awesome. I am going straight to EBay! Happy bidding friends! Happy bidding.

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