I Used to Be Funnier…
Calendar of Awesomeness
Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.
So if Morgan Freeman narrated my life, would it sound fancier? Cause Lord knows I really need all the help I can get! Otherwise, they might hire someone like Jeff Foxworthy (I prefer Dane Cook though… just cuz that would be much more fun!…in case anyone cares…??!?!)
No, I didn’t escape. I’m on day-release!
Why is it that people look at me funny when I run into a wall or something and say “excuse me”? I’m just being polite…
Day by day the garden gnomes are stealing my sanity!
If you have multiple personalities, is it suicide or homicide?
Wondering – do deaf schizophrenics hear the voices in their heads…?
If you’re riding uphill in a canoe and your wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to fit in a dog house?
Voices in head say: Need more minions!
I dare someone to kidnap me!! As soon as my meds wear off, they’ll pay me to leave
I’m thinkin’ it’s a problem when even the voices in my head require me to press 1 for English…
Can’t talk right now… I’m busy making my neighbors think I’m underwater by dangling a fish in the window.
So I laughed often (got stared at) loved harder (got a new restraining order), and danced like no one was watcing, and THAT was when they came and locked me up. HELP!
I dance to my own tune – you just cant hear it because the voices in my head are humming it
I am the craziest little thing that has ever happened to you. You’re welcome.
Attention Friends! Yours truly is now available in 5 new shades of crazy!
I really, really, I mean really wanna roll around in syrup, cover myself with white feathers and run around screaming “AFLACK” at everyone!