I Used to Be Funnier…
Calendar of Awesomeness
Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.
I think my car likes it when we’re the car in front leading a bunch of others. It’s like being the Commander in Chief leading them into battle! We are badass and awesome!
On Proving points
Me: wow, does that jerk have his brights on?
Craig: No Kidding! Watch this…
<husband swerves toward said jerk and simultaneously hits the switch to ‘flash our brights’ at him>
Me: Wowwwww… you REALLY showed him!! Swerving in his direction and turning on the WINSHIELD WIPERS definitely got your message across, I’m sure…
Craig: Sssshhh I hit the wrong switch!
Me: Still I bet he was scared shitless.
Craig: Do you ever stop talking?
Me: Apparently not.
Or if you absolutely must, please park it in the back. Don’t squeeeeeeze it into a teenie-weenie little spot and damage my car or park like a jackass! And also, I promise, you don’t need 4 1/2 spaces in the front row! NOT EVEN A SCHOOL BUS NEEDS THAT MANY!
Dear Asshole: “Merge” means that you get your dumb-ass up to the speed everyone else is going and ease into traffic. It does not mean stop in the middle of a continuous freaking lane until someone decides to earn the kindness award for the day. So hang up the phone and pull your head out of your ass so that the 30 cars you just backed up can be on their way. Thanks.
You don’t get to be mad when I almost run you over if you walk out in front of me in the dead of night with no warning and no way of seeing you! Thanks.
The more expensive the car, the less likely it is to come with “optional” features like… say… turn signals? Oh and the more entitled and empowered it seems to make the driver.