I Used to Be Funnier…
Calendar of Awesomeness
Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.
Napkins used after eating hot wings and then shoved in your pocket should NEVER be used as toilet paper no matter how much you’ve had to drink!!
On your Birthday this year…
1. Forget the past, you won’t be able to remember it soon anyway.
2. Forget the present, I kinda forgot to get you one.
3. Something about the Future… umm… maybe getting drunk on the way home was a bad idea. Sorry honey! I love you.
HA PEA BURF DEA TWO EWE!
Bars have the good sense to cut people off… McDonald’s should institute a similar rule.
Thanks to genetics, I not only SPEAK my mind… I ALSO WEAR IT – in a lovely, oh-so conspicuous shade of red when I’m: nervous, anxious, overwhelmed, pissed, stressed, embarrassed, and occasionally too drunk (playing poker is out of the question for me)
Mostly drunk with a 10% chance of a hangover. Enjoy folks!
Wouldn’t it be so much funnier if Father’s day day was 9 months after St.Patrick’s Day?