I Used to Be Funnier…
Calendar of Awesomeness
Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.
Every good story should start like that!
Just saw something randomly funny! Thought the guys shirt said FAT MAN but it said BAT MAN. Don’t know why I was so distracted to think that? Maybe the 6 yds of fabric the logo was on?
Editor’s note: he insisted that I post this on my blog. Which I felt super obligated to do because he usually doesn’t show much interest in my blog. (Probably because he stars in half of it.) Either way, I was kind of proud that he wanted me to post it and even though its totally not as funny as he probably thought it was, I love him for showing an interest in my blog, even for a few seconds. *WIN*
Ever wonder if the person next to you is thinking about tacos?…
I spontaneously bust out my sweet, sweet ninja skills on the ground and other solid objects. I am a trained professional, it was only staged to look like an accident.
I want a monkey so that when I get mad and throw my poop I have someone to blame it on.
Choose your words carefully, they might just remind me of a song that needs to be sung.
Dear Mom: Now that I’m an adult, I will answer this question… Obviously, I was thinking I was going to get away with it.
So if a Duck’s “quack” doesn’t echo, what about it’s fart?!
So is it considered taunting if your dog poops in front of a guy with a colostomy bag?
I eat JeLLo through a straw
So there I was in traffic… had the best random thought ever (as in I giggled out loud to myself in the middle of a sing-along funny)So now I’m stuck with this story of how I came up with it and then forgot it but I have no idea what it was! So much for that waste of awesomeness…
Why yes, as a matter of fact I do have a song for every occasion
5% of adults admit to never making their beds…. really? This is making me uber anxious – sending chills up my spine and making my skin crawl at the very thought. UGH!!!
I would just like to know what ever happened to the prize inside the damn cereal box?!
Day by day the garden gnomes are stealing my sanity!
Got a bad case of Lazybitchitis today
OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! Oh wait… I forgot…
Sarcasm Mode: Enabled
Oh I’m sorry, I guess I need a new calendar. Mine doesn’t say it’s national fucktard day!…
I wanted to write something cleaver and witty here… so far I’ve got nothin’. Yep. Thanks for your time
…… better not, it hurts
If you have multiple personalities, is it suicide or homicide?
This all could have been avoided if you would have just bought the Sham-Wow!
I think paranoid people are following me.
Today’s post has been brought to you by the letters: “W”, “T”, and “F”
Wondering – do deaf schizophrenics hear the voices in their heads…?
I’m happy to report that so far I’ve not eaten too much glue or gone after anyone with scissors. I do wish I had my blankie though!!
If ignorance is bliss, there sure are a SHIT LOAD of people walking around in paradise! Just Sayin…
Two wrongs don’t make a right… but if it’s the right wrongs then it feels twice as right. Is that necessarily wrong? Feels Kinda right to me.
If you’re riding uphill in a canoe and your wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to fit in a dog house?
Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you?
Funny word alert: Arachibutyrophobia. Look that shit up!! LoL…
Somersaults: That’s how I roll!
When sitting across from someone on another laptop I always want to say “you sank my battleship!”
Pretty sure Definitely sure that the idea of brand-new, freshly out-of-the “VAG” babies being “cute” is completely lost on me!!
Umm… I think you’re doing it wrong…
I like to share random thoughts for shits & giggles. Hehehe! «— whoa…wait… what was that?!? WHO giggles when they shit? ;0)
Today I am… Well… I am wearing underwear, that has to count for something.
I still giggle when the ketchup farts!! 😛
I’m about to give my sheets some ass and my pillow some head! =P hehehe
Duck… Duck… Duck… GOOOOOSE!!!!!
Do woodpeckers get headaches?
I dance to my own tune – you just cant hear it because the voices in my head are humming it
I am the craziest little thing that has ever happened to you. You’re welcome.
Attention Friends! Yours truly is now available in 5 new shades of crazy!
…this message has been brought to you by the syllables RAH- and -TARD! Yep I said ”RI-TARD” that’s 45 seconds you’ll never get back! ;0)
That’s a Hangover reference for you ritards….
I’m not random. I’ve just mastered the ability to spontaneously burst out nonsense.
Wondering how much I could buy an oompa loompa for on eBay?…
Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!! 🙂
Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!! Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!! Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!! Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!! Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!!