The BLoG MuSe

Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.

Tag Archives: random

But every now and then he does something I would do and it’s hilarious

I’m always saying that my husband doesn’t always “get me” and by that I mean I’ll say something random like “I really wish I had a Storm Trooper outfit. I’d wear it to the mall and to other places where people would think it was awesome and they’d want one too! And also I would snazz it up a little with the bedazzler and pretty colored polka dots… You know because white is just so last year”

This is precisely the type of thing I would say and then he would either just shake his head and quietly wonder why he married me or he’d look at me very serious-like and say something like “did you take your meds today?” (with the obligatory head-tilt of course…to make it seem as though he’s not here to hurt me and he genuinely cares – even though we all know he’s probably terrified that at any minute I might just lose my shit and eat his face off) sorry i digress… his grown-up-ness is respectable… BUT STILL you would think he’d know me by now, nope. Still surprising him with my randomness after all these years.

However. Occasionally he does something that I would do and it makes me wonder what he was doing prior to it because quite frankly, I wish i had thought of that shit. Nevertheless he must know that I’m gleaming with pride. (And I’m making his Storm Trooper outfit as we speak!!! Do you think he wants blue rhinestones or green?)

So here it is… The random text message I get while I’m in the middle of taking a sip of hot tea and on the phone with a client:

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And Then I Threw Up…

Every good story should start like that!

Husband’s Humor

Just saw something randomly funny! Thought the guys shirt said FAT MAN but it said BAT MAN. Don’t know why I was so distracted to think that? Maybe the 6 yds of fabric the logo was on?

Editor’s note: he insisted that I post this on my blog. Which I felt super obligated to do because he usually doesn’t show much interest in my blog. (Probably because he stars in half of it.) Either way, I was kind of proud that he wanted me to post it and even though its totally not as funny as he probably thought it was, I love him for showing an interest in my blog, even for a few seconds. *WIN*

What’s on your mind?

Ever wonder if the person next to you is thinking about tacos?…

Don’t Try This at Home

I spontaneously bust out my sweet, sweet ninja skills on the ground and other solid objects. I am a trained professional, it was only staged to look like an accident.

Passing the Buck

I want a monkey so that when I get mad and throw my poop I have someone to blame it on.

Top of my Lungs

Choose your words carefully, they might just remind me of a song that needs to be sung.

"What Were You Thinking?!"

Dear Mom: Now that I’m an adult, I will answer this question… Obviously, I was thinking I was going to get away with it.  

Echo

So if a Duck’s “quack” doesn’t echo, what about it’s fart?!

Show-off!

So is it considered taunting if your dog poops in front of a guy with a colostomy bag?

     

Non-Conformity

I eat JeLLo through a straw

Lost But Not Found

So there I was in traffic… had the best random thought ever (as in I giggled out loud to myself in the middle of a sing-along funny)So now I’m stuck with this story of how I came up with it and then forgot it but I have no idea what it was! So much for that waste of awesomeness…

Relative Tunes

Why yes, as a matter of fact I do have a song for every occasion

Ruffled and wrinkled and crumpled up

5% of adults admit to never making their beds…. really? This is making me uber anxious – sending chills up my spine and making my skin crawl at the very thought. UGH!!!

Dear General Mills:

I would just like to know what ever happened to the prize inside the damn cereal box?!

Must be the Hat

Day by day the garden gnomes are stealing my sanity!

Illness

Got a bad case of Lazybitchitis today

Wait for it…

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! Oh wait… I forgot…

Status

Sarcasm Mode: Enabled

New National Holiday

Oh I’m sorry, I guess I need a new calendar. Mine doesn’t say it’s national fucktard day!…

High Hopes

I wanted to write something cleaver and witty here… so far I’ve got nothin’. Yep. Thanks for your time

Thinkin’

I think…..

…… better not, it hurts

more semantics

If you have multiple personalities, is it suicide or homicide?

Really…

This all could have been avoided if you would have just bought the Sham-Wow!

Follow the leader

I think paranoid people are following me.

Sponsors

Today’s post has been brought to you by the letters: “W”, “T”, and “F

do you hear that?

Wondering – do deaf schizophrenics hear the voices in their heads…?

Report Card

I’m happy to report that so far I’ve not eaten too much glue or gone after anyone with scissors. I do wish I had my blankie though!!

In my opinion…

If ignorance is bliss, there sure are a SHIT LOAD of people walking around in paradise! Just Sayin…

Wrongs & Rights??

Two wrongs don’t make a right… but if it’s the right wrongs then it feels twice as right. Is that necessarily wrong? Feels Kinda right to me.

Arithmetic

If you’re riding uphill in a canoe and your wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to fit in a dog house?

Good Byyeeee

Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you?

Oh my!

Funny word alert: Arachibutyrophobia. Look that shit up!! LoL…

jealous?

Somersaults: That’s how I roll!

Kids games

When sitting across from someone on another laptop I always want to say “you sank my battleship!”

all but yours right?…

Pretty sure Definitely sure that the idea of brand-new, freshly out-of-the “VAG” babies being “cute” is completely lost on me!!

awkward

Umm… I think you’re doing it wrong…

Me, an oversharer? no….

I like to share random thoughts for shits & giggles. Hehehe! «— whoa…wait… what was that?!? WHO giggles when they shit? ;0)

half credit

Today I am… Well… I am wearing underwear, that has to count for something.

REAL mature J…

I still giggle when the ketchup farts!! 😛

Yep.

I’m about to give my sheets some ass and my pillow some head! =P hehehe

children’s games were obviously created by perverse adults

Duck… Duck… Duck… GOOOOOSE!!!!!

ever wonder?

Do woodpeckers get headaches?

…like nobody’s watching

I dance to my own tune – you just cant hear it because the voices in my head are humming it

Give thanks damnit!

I am the craziest little thing that has ever happened to you. You’re welcome.

New and Improved!

Attention Friends! Yours truly is now available in 5 new shades of crazy!

Rainman did it and he was…

…this message has been brought to you by the syllables RAH- and -TARD! Yep I said ”RI-TARD” that’s 45 seconds you’ll never get back! ;0)

That’s a Hangover reference for you ritards….

I call it "word vomit"

I’m not random. I’ve just mastered the ability to spontaneously burst out nonsense.

Everything’s For Sale!

Wondering how much I could buy an oompa loompa for on eBay?…

You know you want to…

Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!! 🙂

Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!! Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!! Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!! Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!! Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!!!

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