I Used to Be Funnier…
Calendar of Awesomeness
Better than anti-depressants! … Sort of.
Walking through the store the other day I realized I might have a problem. I looked down and realized that I had shoveled about 10 travel-sized items into my basket. Where the hell did I think I was going? Of course this didn’t occur to me until after I walked through the sporting goods aisle and I’m trying to figure out if I can buy the miniaturized versions of the tents on display. NO YOU DUMBASS, I DON’T WANT YOU TO CHECK THE BACK ROOM TO SEE IF YOU HAVE THAT ONE IN STOCK, I WANT THE LITTLE DEMO VERSION HERE ON THE FUCKING SHELF!!!! The one that I can barely get my pinky into. WHAT IS SO HARD TO COMPREHEND?!
Now is also the time where I’d like to profess my extreme repugnance for Ugg Boots. With ONE exception. INFANT UGG BOOTS. Yeah I know, they’re still Ugg Boots but HELLO, they are MINIATURE so they are cute and I NEEEED THEM. So I called and told Craig about them and he’s like “You hate Ugg Boots” and I’m like “I know but they are so cute I think I need to buy them anyway” and then he says “what the fuck for?” and of course…awkward silence… “I don’t know they are just cute damnit! Why do I need a reason to buy cute Ugg Boots?” His response “You need a reason when you won’t be wearing them since they are for an INFANT and we don’t have any of those!!” Which then made me stop and think for a minute… I really wanted to buy these boots so I’m like “Well, I could steal an infant from the hospital and then put the infant Ugg Boots on it” I shouldn’t have to tell you that this sent him over the edge a just a little. “So you want to steal a baby from the hospital JUST SO YOU CAN PUT SOME UGLY FUCKING BOOTS ON IT??” And then I said “Well when you put it like that it does sound a little crazy… how about instead I buy SIX PAIRS and put them on Malibu, Payton and Amaya?” and then he says “Oh ok, so now you want to put UGLY BABY UGG BOOTS on the dog and cats? NO. FUCK NO.” And of course I retaliated with the only fair response I could come up with: “You’re the worst husband EVER! You NEVER LET ME DO WHAT I WANNA DO!!!”
These are them. If anyone wants to buy them and send them to me, I’ll pay shipping. Look how cute! EEEEK!!!